I Dream Of Jeannie's Nightmare

When public figures are faced with the death of a child, even the best pros have trouble keeping their composure when asked about their loss.

They say time heals. Those who have had the opportunity to look back many years to the time their child died, will acknowledge that fact. Healing is a process and shouldn't be confused with 'forgetting'. The pain of loss will always be somewhere underneath the surface, though time may offer greater perspective. Time may also slow down the knee-jerk tear response felt in the early stages of grief, yet I believe we'll always carry a hole in our hearts in the shape of a tear.

In this clip, Barbara Eden, star of one of TV's popular sit-com re-run hits, I Dream of Jeannie(1),  finds herself unable to keep her composure during an interview about her son; a reminder that no matter how brave we may try to be, tears don't always wait for a private opportunity.

Likewise, Marie Osmond, gave a heartbreaking interview on the Oprah show in November 2010 and talked about the suicide of her son Michael. A trained performer, Marie found it difficult to sing, Pie Jesu, a beautiful song she chose to honor her son. Donny spoke about his sister, his support for her and the family's loss.

The interview with Donny notes that Marie went back to work right away, then later began to crumble backstage before their shows. What a good example of the shock, numbness, and feeling of 'surrealness' that many parents feel after going through such a trauma. Making decisions can be difficult. We can take on too much. A wonderful reminder that support is so necessary.

TIME is a key player in this journey. There is no 'wrap-up' period that occurs when your child dies. It can take many years before the stabbing pain subsides. For each person it is a unique step-by-step process.
-Marsha Abbott

Other Articles:
Did my child choose our family? (Soul Searching)
Things to be thankful for? (Tenderhearted Friend)
List of all articles: (Current Articles)

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(1) Barbara Eden starred in the show I Dream Of Jeannie (clip)
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Rock Star Eric Clapton Talks About Losing His Son

We live our lives assuming the daily tasks, chores and encounters will be the high or low lights of the day. Our personal challenges occupy our thoughts and convince us that these are the greatest difficulties we'll encounter. When the phone rings with news that our child has died those previous difficulties melt away and we realize we never knew the true meaning of difficulty or loss..... Musician Eric Clapton discusses the loss of his son Conor.

ERIC CLAPTON has recalled the heartache of losing his son CONOR in his new autobiography, revealing he had taken the four-year-old to the circus the night before he fell to his death from his mother's New York apartment. Clapton, who penned classic ballad Tears In Heaven after the 1991 tragedy, spent the night before his son's death enjoying his first father-son outing alone with Conor.

After taking the boy home, the rocker admits he was swelled with confidence as a father and decided he wanted to spend more one-on-one time with his son when he was in New York. In Eric Clapton: The Autobiography, Clapton writes, "The following morning I was up early, ready to walk crosstown from my hotel to pick up (Conor's mother) Lori (del Santo) and Conor to take them to the Central Park Zoo...

"The phone rang and it was Lori. She was hysterical, screaming that Conor was dead. I thought to myself, 'This is ridiculous. How can he be dead?' and I asked her the silliest question, 'Are you sure?' "And then she told me that he'd fallen out of the window. She was beside herself. Screaming. I said, 'I'll be right there.'" Conor had fallen 49 stories from a high-rise window.

In his memoirs, Clapton also recalls the horror of having to identify his son at the morgue. He adds, "Whatever physical damage he had suffered in the fall, by the time I saw him they had restored his body to some normality. "As I looked at his beautiful face in repose, I remember thinking, 'This isn't my son. It looks a bit like him, but he's gone.'"
-Marsha Abbott

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Bill Cosby and Pat Schweibert write about Loss...

Parents share a universal loss when their child dies. Though written as 'childrens' books, these messages are worthy for all ages. Bill Cosby also released a jazz album, Hello Friend: To Ennis With Love, to honor the memory of his son. The road to hope is filled with memories.

Tear Soup (written by Pat Schweibert), a recipe for healing after loss, is a family story book that centers around an old and somewhat wise woman, Grandy. Grandy has just suffered a big loss in her life and so she is headed to the kitchen to make a special batch of Tear Soup.

There she chooses the size pot that is right for her loss, and she puts on her apron because she knows it's going to be messy. And then Grandy starts to cry. At first she weeps, then she sobs, eventually she wails.

Slowly the pot is filled with tears as the old woman steeps away. To season her soup Grandy adds memories like the good times and the bad times, the silly and the sad times. She does not want to forget even one precious memory of her loss.

Tear Soup recognizes and reinforces the fact that every member of the family from the youngest to the oldest will grieve in their own way. Taking their own time and in doing so, find those things which help them best.

Essentially, we each make our own batch of Tear Soup when we grieve the loss of our child. Comedian, Bill Cosby, wrote a children's book called Friends of a Feather to honor the memory of his son Ennis. Ennis was murdered when he stopped to help a motorist on the side of the road.

Cosby wrote the book about friendship, loss and pain. He asked his daughter to do the artwork and wanted the bird, Feather, to have a 'smile' on it's breast to remind Bill of Ennis' smile. Artistically hidden, the smile radiates joy.      - by Marsha Abbott


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