Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Our Children Are Not Lost

Choice of words can be a sensitive subject to grieving parents. The death of a child is often referred to as 'losing' a child. The 'D' word is substituted with the 'L" word; a kinder way to describe what has happened. But are our children really lost?

We may shed our earthly bodies but our soul energy continues to grow and thrive. To say we 'lost' our child to illness or accident is not completely accurate. We haven't really lost them. We know where they are. The souls and spirits of our children are very much alive.

Unless we have grown up in a faith or spiritually based setting, recent political correctness has taught us that we are specks of dust in a random, meaningless universe. We are reminded that God and faith have no place in public society. Our society doesn't speak about a relationship with the Divine. Until confronted with our own immeasurable loss, it is easier to give little notice to the meaning of life, our connection to the hereafter, and the changes that continue to evolve in our society.

By examining more than our day to day tweets, status updates and material goals, we can begin to bring our souls out of hiding and delve more deeply. When the invisible is made visible, we are filled with the joy in knowing there is so much more to our existence than is discussed in public arena.

As Forest Gump said, "Life is a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get." That box of chocolates can include a heartbreaking irreversible loss. For a parent whose child crosses over to the spiritual realm, the inability to understand this chronological mistake in the cycle of life is common. Why? We can't make sense of it. Even our faith can't answer the 'why' question well enough to make things better.

Healing, psychological, energetic and spiritual can take place over varying lengths of time. I believe our loved ones in heaven/afterlife care very deeply about our suffering and watch our transformation as time progresses. I believe they care about the future of our lives and know our potential perhaps better that we know it ourselves.

In the same way that our children are not lost, we must take care not to become lost ourselves.
-Marsha Abbott

**See the full list of articles covering more on this topic plus....articles on how to cope, spiritual perspectives, connection to our child, God and religion, interviews and perspectives from bereaved parents, how to support a bereaved parent, what not to say, depression, pressure to heal......and much more.

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  1. Thank you for this blog. The word that I have found to cut the deepest is the word, 'lost', as in, I have 'lost' my son. I acknowledge that I do have losses, such as I have lost the sound of his voice, the sound of his footsteps coming in the door, the feel of his hug and myriad of other physical details, but I did not lose David. To say the word lost implies for me an act of irresponsibility or carelessness, as in I lost my wallet. Wallets and driver's licenses can be replaced; not David.
    I find that the use of the word lost is used by both the bereaved and the professionals working with the bereaved. I have shared with others my discomfort and outright angst regarding the use of this word, yet most often it doesn't register. Hence, to see your post and have my feelings validated is most helpful.
    Some families do experience a lost child through abduction, life style or run aways and I wonder how they feel when others use it to describe the passing of a loved one. My understanding of God is an ongoing process and my son's death has certainly affected that journey in significant ways. The one thing I am sure of is that we are spiritual beings in physical bodies and when death takes us by the hand, we cross into the spiritual realm, but the relationships remain intact and the love that unites us is never lost.

  2. Kim,
    Like you, I am sensitive to the use of the word 'loss', yet I often find myself using it. The honest truth is, our child died. It is extremely hard to hear yourself say that out loud. I agree with you that we are spiritual beings existing in physical bodies. There is a purpose for our lives; a journey of learning. There was a purpose for our children's lives. Isn't it funny how we mistakenly believed our time to leave this earth would occur before theirs? A prime and cruel example that we don't have the ultimate control. I'm sorry that your child, David, died. That sort of heartache is understood by every mother who grieves and longs for their child. I hope to make my daughter, Molly, proud as I forge my way along this new path. I feel she is watching. Her outgoing, bubbly and outspoken manner reminds me that she will have a 'lot' to say about the way I carry on. Thanks for your insightful comments. Peace and blessings to you Kim. ~Marsha

  3. Thank you for the abundance of very helpful information.