Saturday, January 22, 2011

After The FIRST Year

Overflow passages that don't quite fit on the A New Journey Facebook wall. `Marsha

Sat January 22, 2011 -Written by Kathleen O'Hara"

"After the first year of your grief, a dangerous time can emerge. Reality and consequences sink in. The shock and numbness have worn off and you realize, sadly, that you will be confronted with the consequences of this trauma for along time, if not the rest of your life.

You may now experience less volatile but more profound feelings of despair, anger, abandonment. People don't talk about your child anymore. You may feel out of sync with everyone else in the world - they have moved on with their lives, while you have not. It might be hard to relate to others because they insinuate that you should have moved on too.

This is often a time when depression can really set in. You are in limbo between your old, pretrauma world and the new one you still don't recognize. You are far from the shore of the life you once knew - you can see it behind you, but as much as you want to , you now know you cannot go back. As much as everyone else has found closure, you have not. There is no way to get over a trauma such as this. Nothing will ever change that fact that your child died.

However there are three principles which can be of help: acceptance, forgiveness, and gratitude.

Acceptance asks us to recognize what we can change and what we cannot - and ask for the wisdom to understand the difference. Forgiveness helps us to work on our feelings of anger at others or at God for this pain, which inevitably harm us more than help us. Gratitude helps us recognize what has been given, taken away, and remains after the storms have passed. These principles are not easy, nor are they meant to be. They take time. "

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  1. I am going through this right now...the pain is still there.

  2. I don't think the pain ever goes away. -Katy

  3. It has been 13 months and this is exactly the way I feel. I guess I'm not crazy I just wish the outside world had some insite. <3