Sorrow And Expected Recovery

If the present moment threatens to remain permanently barren, then sorrow can easily turn into despair. (1)

Can anyone really expect to recover from the tragedy of losing a child, considering the value of what was lost and the consequences of that loss?

Recovery is a misleading and empty expectation. We recover from broken limbs, not amputations. Catastrophic loss by definition precludes recovery. It will transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same.

There is no going back to the past, which is gone forever, only going ahead to the future, which has yet to be discovered. Whatever that future is, it will, and must include the pain of the past with it.

Sorrow never entirely leaves the soul of those who have suffered a severe loss. If anything, it may keep going deeper.

But this depth of sorrow is the sign of a healthy soul, not a sick soul. It does not have to be morbid and fatalistic. It is not something to escape but something to embrace. Sorrow indicates that people who have suffered loss truly understand the emotional anguish of others who feel pain.

Sorrow enlarges the soul until the soul is capable of mourning and rejoicing simultaneously, of feeling the world's pain and hoping for the world's healing at the same time.

Deep sorrow often has the effect of stripping us of pretense, vanity, and waste. It forces us to ask questions about what is most important in life. It causes us to look around us and develop an intense appreciation for those in our lives who strive to connect with us, who on a deep level understand this most basic loss.

'Suffering can lead to a simpler life, less cluttered with non-essentials. It is wonderfully clarifying. That is why many people who experience sudden and severe loss often become transformed. Loss requires us to ask ourselves, What do I believe? What has happened to my child?"(2)  It strips away the 'bumpers of life' that formerly ricocheted us away from subjects we didn't want to fully consider and allows us to crash headlong into deep introspection.

I'm not sure we ever recover from such a loss, but we have been given an opportunity to see life from a new perspective. It will require a type of sacrifice of believing that, however painful our losses, life can and will still be good, but good in a new way. I lost the world I loved and I hope to gain a new purpose in life. I seek, through time, to clarify that purpose. For my daughter, I promise to begin that journey.
-Marsha Abbott


(1) Jerry Sittser, A Grace Disguised
(2) Jerry Sittser, A Grace Disguised