Mourning Walk

I NEVER UNDERSTOOD

I never understood real pain;
     just the expected losses in the cycle of life,
broken down cars, skinned knees, 

and broken nails.

I never understood real pain;
     just the craziness of a self-employed income
in a volatile marketplace,

with high hopes and a squirrel's saving attitude.

I never understood real pain;
     just the normal transitions,
children growing up and leaving home,

youth slipped away, high heels replaced
with spiffy comfort shoes.

I never understood real pain until you were taken

       from me Molly.

Infinite darkness,
broken and bleeding from within,

private agonizing wails,
a snow laden cemetery
far, far from home.

A forever emptiness,
non-fixable, aching, vacant void;

nightly prayers with forever tears
soaking my pillow.
Your laughter is gone.
Why couldn't it have been me?

I understand. Oh God, I understand.

          -Marsha Abbott

A MOURNING WALK

I tie my laces each morning, 
   open the door and walk up the hill

      with thoughts of you.

Memories of two little sisters

Rollerskates and elbow pads,

"Mommy I'm awake"

Hugs, tickles and bedtime stories.

Microwave popcorn, triscuits with cheese

   blankets and Avonlea,

     high school proms

Finding the perfect dress.

I ask the Lord to hold you close;

to help me carry on;
To mend a shattered picture of
     a family without you in it.

Each step has a purpose;
   to help set my mind for a positive day;
To discover hope. 
God please give me hope
and the ability to
quell the aching question, "Why"?

Molly if those steps would bring you back

I would walk forever.

                    -Mama