Denise Schipani expressed it perfectly: "You go on, but you take a wildly different path."(1)
"If we are the sum total of our experiences – and losing a child is surely one of the most traumatic experiences I've ever witnessed – then what actually happens to parents in these circumstances is not only unknowable, it's unimaginable." (2)
"I watched my parents deal with the accidental death of my younger brother (he drowned at the age of 19), through the months when they were literally sick with grief, and the eight years since. They (as am I) are forever changed by his death but not necessarily in a negative or even regrettable way. And that's because (and I'm not sure how to say this right) it's not only in death that we were changed: that change actually began with his life – the fact that he died is only one aspect of who he was, just as the fact that my mother is not just a person who lost a son, she is a person who HAD a son for 19 years.
And after working (and it really WAS work) through their grief, my parents choose to go on living full and even healthier lives partly as a celebration of his life. They see it as his inheritance, as something he's given back to them, a way to make sense of his death – it gives even more meaning to their lives, to their identities as parents (because you don't stop being a parent when your child dies).
I am incredibly proud of my parents for this: it is not only one of the bravest decisions they have ever taken, but it means that I have not lost them along with the future I would have had with my brother." (3)
-quotes by Denise Shipani and Michelle P.
(1) Denise Shipani
(2) Denise Shipani
(3) Comments from Michelle P. (last name was not given), at The Happiest Mom.
Visit A New Journey on Facebook. A resource and place of hope for grieving parents. http://www.facebook.com/pages/A-New-Journey/139541632740837
* Originally posted at Bereavement 4 Breakfast; June 30, 2010
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